That includes the events themselves, and also how you reacted, how you felt, and how the anger and hurt have affected you since.
For instance, if your spouse grew up in an alcoholic family, then anger when you have too many glasses of wine might be more understandable, says Swartz. Simply forgiving someone because you think you have no other alternative or because you think your religion requires it may be enough to bring some healing. But one study found that people whose forgiveness came in part from understanding that no one is perfect were able to resume a normal relationship with the other person, even if that person never apologized.
Those who only forgave in an effort to salvage the relationship wound up with a worse relationship. An apology may not change your relationship with the other person or elicit an apology from her. Once you make that choice, seal it with an action. The act of forgiving includes forgiving yourself.
For instance, if your spouse had an affair, recognize that the affair is not a reflection of your worth, says Swartz. Immune response : How your immune system recognizes and defends itself against bacteria, viruses, toxins and other harmful substances. A response can include anything from coughing and sneezing to an increase in white blood cells, which attack foreign substances.
Still, forgiveness is possible — even if reconciliation isn't. Getting another person to change his or her actions, behavior or words isn't the point of forgiveness. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life — by bringing you peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing.
Forgiveness can take away the power the other person continues to wield in your life. The first step is to honestly assess and acknowledge the wrongs you've done and how they have affected others. Avoid judging yourself too harshly. If you're truly sorry for something you've said or done, consider admitting it to those you've harmed. Speak of your sincere sorrow or regret, and ask for forgiveness — without making excuses.
Remember, however, you can't force someone to forgive you. Others need to move to forgiveness in their own time. Whatever happens, commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect. There is a problem with information submitted for this request.
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This site complies with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health information: verify here. This content does not have an English version. This content does not have an Arabic version. See more conditions. Because there is a connection between blood pressure, stress and heart disease, you are reducing your risk for health problems down the road by practicing forgiveness right now. Mental health problems can often lead to physical aches and pains.
Depression, for example, is an illness that leads to negative physical responses. Not being able to forgive creates symptoms of depression and anxiety and therefore, leading to physical concerns. When we refuse to forgive, our brains remain in a state of alertness that can lead to negative health effects. You tend to stay focused on the pain you feel, creating stress and setting you up for further pain and hurt. Symptoms such as ulcers, backaches and migraines have all been associated with not choosing to forgive someone.
When you can let go and forgive the person who hurt you, sleep improves. During sleep, the brain heals the ailments within your body. There is a chemical in the brain called oxytocin. When oxytocin is present, the feeling of fear is overcome.
Forgiveness allows your brain to produce more oxytocin. Meaning, you have less fear of betrayal and more ability to move on from a hurtful situation. The Process of Healing Through Forgiveness Because forgiveness is a skill you can learn and hone, there are action steps you can take to help you in the process. Forgiveness is a cognitive and emotional process that allows you to heal by releasing adverse thoughts and feelings that in turn, allow your physical being to heal.
One of the first steps is to identify the emotions associated with your hurt. Recognize how the emotions are affecting you physically. Before you react to your emotions, remember you have a choice as to how you respond. It can be positive or negative. Many recommend you avoid responding to the event until you are calm. Find a physical way to release your emotions, whether through journaling, meditation, yoga or more strenuous exercise.
Eventually you may decide to confront the person who harmed you. This should be done in an appropriate manner, with the intent to forgive and move on. This may be easier to do if you take the time to read and learn from enlightening books such as Non- Violent Communication. Marshall B. Rosenberg , founder of the Center for Non- violent Communication.
In his book, Dr.
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